Rants Archive

Why Deadliest Warrior is my favorite comedy on TV

Deadliest Warrior was the funniest comedy on television. Ever. Holy dammit was it hysterically funny. Nothing can make me laugh more than watching those guys attempt to inject “science” into what is clearly just a silly bar argument between two drunken frattish guys. And they managed to make it into a whole TV show!Allow me

The annoying lesson the Star Trek reboot got all wrong

Recently I explained to a friend what was wrong with the new Star Trek movie, and over the course of the discussion, I listed issues such as massive explosions all over the place, fast scenes, frequent cuts, shouted dialogue, rather explicit exposition, loud crescendoes, and lack of tense build up, replaced with one action sequence

Nintendo’s back catalog is a ticking-clock gold mine

Much has been said about Nintendo’s abject refusal to release games on mobile devices designed by other companies, and while I have feelings on that issue (mostly in rant form), I think it relates to another very serious problem Nintendo has…or will…inevitably face. Cultural irrelevance. And not just in the fact that they refuse to

How the Ocarina of Time broke my heart forever

I never finished Ocarina of Time. That is correct. I would like to say that I love Legend of Zelda, but…I guess I don’t. My interest gradually eroded right around that time, and even though I was thoroughly excited to see it released, and I desperately wanted to play, I just couldn’t get all that

How Legend of Zelda 2 broke my heart forever

You know what? Legend of Zelda II gets a lot of hate. Lots and lots, in fact. And you know what? It’s pretty stupid hate.Two major complaints have been leveled against the series over the years; firstly, that it’s a side scroller, and secondly, that it bears little resemblance to its predecessor, with very few

How Final Fantasy 7 broke my heart forever

And no, it wasn’t Aeris.I was excited for Final Fantasy 7. Hugely so. I had been a big fan of a lot of Squaresoft games, particularly Chrono Trigger, which was just about the greatest thing in the universe for someone of my age and interests. I enjoyed the Final Fantasy series as well, though coincidentally

How copyright protection damages the environment

I know what you’re thinking. All those annoying plastic packages and booklets and whatever. Nay. That’s all horrifically wasteful as well, and as people shift from “I like having the actual thing” to “I don’t care about having a bunch of stuff when I can just watch it online,” I think it’ll reach the inevitable

The incredibly easy way Nintendo could stay relevant in the iPhone era

I’ve read quite a lot lately, and over the last few years, about Nintendo. Specifically, its inevitable demise. More and more kids today are buying smartphones and tablets, and the massive popularity of mobile device gaming is leaving has-been console makers in the dust.I agree. And it’s an inevitable shift the likes of which Nintendo

Someone should introduce JJ Abrams to subtlety

So I know the lens flares get all the attention, but there’s another lingering problem in every J. J. Abrams piece I have thus far seen. It’s that he doesn’t know how to make it subtle.Star Trek: Into Darkness (there should be a colon there, dammit) is a prime example. Bigger and dumber than its

Holy dammit did the Hobbit suck

This, my friends and loved ones, was perhaps the greatest moment of triumph in all of my Lord of the Rings despising ways. Lonely was the road I walked, difficult the challenges I faced, boring in the subject matter I discussed, in my quest to disagree with the opiated masses that composed the Lord of