Portal Merchandise

Portal merchandise Companion Cube plushFor a game with so little in the way of actual violence, it was pretty refreshing to see how Portal achieved the kind of success that it did. Those adorable little robots and orange jumpsuit-clad protagonist became instantly recognizable characters emblazoned on the hearts and minds of video game fans everywhere (take that, FPSers). And Portal merchandise has been pretty darn creative, given the simplicity of the game.

The most recognizable Portal toys are the Companion Cube, most often in plush toy form, plus robot figurines, and plenty of clothing, including costumes and other pieces inspired from the games. There’s plenty of fun stuff out there, but this is intended as more of a top 10 list of the best Portal merch or gift ideas to be found. Onward we go!

Portal Merchandise: Top 10 gifts

1) Companion Cube Plush

Portal Weighted Companion Cube Plushie
Starting things off with what is perhaps the most popular of all the adorable little Portal toys you can find, the Companion Cube plush will keep you warm and cozy and fuzzy all night long. Sort of.

The plush toy turned out to be a big hit, and spawned quite a few variations, including non-plush toys and other fun stuff that'll crack a smile on even the most jaded of Portal fans. Those are great too (and you can click to shop for the other options), but I picked the standard, tried and true, plain and simple Companion Cube to spearhead the gift list, because I adore normalcy.

It'll be your new favorite throw pillow, and you'll never love any other pillow the same way ever again.

2) Portal Gun Replica

The #2 best thing you can possibly find is the glorious Portal Gun replica, which is...well, it's kind of the only other item in the game, if you count the companion cube. This'll be a pricier purchase, but if you're a huge Portal fan (or shopping for one), this is going to be a winner.

The version pictured includes multiple colors and is full-sized. Keep in mind there's a miniature version also, which would be good for kids, or you could get it as simply a decorative piece to look amazingly awesome on a bookshelf or whatever.

It's too bad it's non-functioning, of course. But that doesn't mean you can't still dream.

3) Sentry Turret Figurine

Up next is the Sentry Turret, which can adorn your mantle or coffee table in glorious robotic magnificence.

There are quite a few variations on the Sentry Turret, and I picked this one, because...well, it's a figurine. That kind of makes it the most accurate compared to what's in the game, but keep in mind you can also get:
  • A huge inflatable Sentry Turret
  • A plush Sentry Turret
Now I'm not saying those aren't awesome options as well (the inflatable one would look great next to a front door), but I figured if you're looking for something accurate, this is it. But plush toys are also awesome.

4) Wheatley LED Flashlight

Not only is it an awesome Portal toy, but it's useful too! Who doesn't love LED lights?

Plus it's nice to complete the set of every robot that appears in the game, though it's also likely you'll just pick out a few favorites. And Wheatley is kind of a big deal. And since it's sized to be a clip-on accessory, it can tag along on a backpack and accompany you wherever you go. Just like Wheatley himself!

2.5" wide, so it's portable and practical. Also makes a great rearview mirror hanging adornment, or a Christmas tree ornament, or just hanging out on a shelf alongside the other Portal gear you'll want to pick up.

5) The Cake is a Lie T-shirts

And here we are at the best t-shirt you can find. Maybe. There are actually quite a few of these, so it wasn't easy picking just one, but this is such a popular phrase from the game that there's just no way to pass it up.

Men's and women's sizes, both made by Jinx, so you can go as couples Portal fans.

I would highly recommend digging around for some of the other options (follow the link), as you'll find some really creative t-shirts, from interesting graphics to funny parodies, and they're all great.

6) Long Fall Socks

This is a fun one.

Chell costumes are a popular option for Portal  fans, and this is an accessory that's found rather often on some of the more casual costume options. Replicating the Long Fall Boots is tricky, and requires you to walk around all day in them, and it's tricky. The socks are the next best thing, and downright comfy.

And aside from costume uses, it's just a fun gift for Portal fans who just want to enjoy something from the game.

Plus, you get new socks. It's one of those gifts you'll actually use, instead of just leaving things on the shelf forever. This'll be your special someone's most beloved socks in no time.

7) Sentry Turret Hoodie

This is a great idea. If all you've ever wanted in life is to clothe yourself in Sentry clothing, well then this is for you.

Made by J!NX, one of the biggest purveyors of deliciously geeky gifts and other fun stuff, this is perfect for keeping you cozily warm whilst marathoning all night long in a spectacular Portal run.

Or maybe you can get your buddies together and you can dress up as the Sentry Turret and your friends can dress up as Chell and you can LARP to your heart's content.

You'll probably just wear it because it's warm and cozy and awesome, though. That'll do just fine.

8) Portal Messenger Bag

Another one of those "it's actually useful" sorts of gifts, this is great for people who actually need to go places and do important things in between their super important Portal sessions.

There are several others, but this is hands down the best. The others are either horrible, or maybe they just say the word "Portal" and that's about it. I like the fact that this looks very much like the sort of official employee messenger bag that would be issued to Aperture Laboratories staff. And I like those in-world things a whole lot better than just branded logos and stuff like that.

The inside is actually good, too. Lots of organization, and lots of pleased users, so it's not just a quickie moneymaker. It's actually a nice bag.

9) Companion Cube Briefs

Yup, Portal can invade your underwear as well. Cue the innuendoes relating to the word portal. Heh heh.

But yes, these can indeed be yours. They're fun for those Portal fans who want a particular kind of fun in addition to just gaming fandom. Though...then again...plenty of other games can be played involving these as well.

They go quite nicely with the Long Fall Socks, so you can pick up a whole set of Portal undies. And it's pretty much inevitable that you'll end up referring to these as your "lucky" undies and wear them when you want to get lucky. In more ways that one. Obviously.

But anyway, jokes and silliness aside, it's a fun gift. And it's got a heart! It's super romantic!

10) Portal Bookends

And here we are, back at the mostly-just-decorative options. But they're pretty great, so it's okay.

This ended up being one of the more recognizable Portal gifts. This comes from the geniuses behind Think Geek, purveyors of all things geeky as well. It's a clever little addition to an otherwise ordinary bookshelf, and if you have to get bookends anyway, they might as well be glorious Portal bookends and look awesome in the meantime.

I like the idea of putting one on a different shelf from another, or just moving them around randomly every day so your roomies never know where the little silhouette is going to show up next. Kind of a long-term project, but whatever. It'll be fun.
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