It’s hard to figure out who’s more manly.
Ron Swanson, manliest of any man all over the world. Man’s Man. Man of men. Man. Man man man. MAN!
Or so goes the opinion of his ardently supportive legions of adoring fans, whether aspiring to heights of masculinity, or appreciating his effervescent manliness at all times of the day and night. Mostly during the night, as their salacious glares imply. But at any rate, for a show so thoroughly filled with hilarious quotations, Ron Swanson quotes tend to be some of the most gloriously crafted and highly quotable sayings anywhere to be found. I, for one, find the gestalt of the combined cast to be instrumental in the show’s success, but I’ll tip my hat (or lack thereof, because I’m not 1940s manly) to Ron Swanson when it comes to quotability.
And thus, here are some of the world’s greatest Ron Swanson quotes, organized by categories for which Ron is most famous:
Awesome Ron Swanson Quotes:
Voracious Food Fandom
Clearly he’s never been to Russia. That’s probably obvious for other reasons, though.
When Ron Swanson enters a restaurant, the staff have to work overtime. I have a feeling that the popularity of Parks and Recreation
coincides…at small levels, perhaps…with a slight rise in demand for bacon and accompanying breakfast foods. I’d be willing to bet…a strip of bacon on it.
- “Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”
- “Turkey can never beat cow.”
- “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.”
- “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait…I worry what you just heard was: ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was: ‘Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.’ Do you understand?”
- “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water. That’s lying about being milk.”
- “There’s been a mistake. You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.”
- “When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”
Lust for Libertarianism
No wonder it’s so inefficient.
If there’s anything Ron likes more than eating food, it’s hating on the government, and its relentless soul-sucking and money-draining ways. Clearly this man would be upset if you pointed out to him that the government was what won World War II. But oh well. This is a man who has his principles, and will have them forever, dammit.
- “The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.”
- “Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”
- “There is only one bad word: taxes.”
- “Child labor laws are ruining this country.”
- “Are you going to tell a man that he can’t fart in his own car?”
- “I believe in cutting useless government projects. I also believe in cutting useful government projects.”
- “Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I’ll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night if it meant that nothing got done.”
- “I have so many ideas. Some are simple like take down traffic lights and eliminate the post office. The bigger ones will be tougher, like: Bring all this crumbling to the ground.”
With the weird exception of loving America:
- “America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other cultures, use an atlas or a ham radio.”
Distaste for all humans and social interactions
He makes a good point.
If there’s anything Ron Swanson hates more than the government, it’s people. Particularly people who run the government. And particularly people who feed off the government. But really, it’s pretty much everyone in the world that gets the Ron Swanson “I dislike every human” treatment, and for gloriously hilarious (and sensible) reasons:
- “When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”
- “The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested about caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”
- “People are idiots, Leslie.”
- “Give a man to fish, and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.”
- “I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.”
- “Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.”
All-around tough guy manliness
Words of wisdom.
So without being able to divide manliness into any other subcategory, these are the words of wisdom that are the most manly. Ron Swanson, for millions all over the world, represents the pinnacle of masculinity, honor, male wisdom, self-discipline, and shimmering manly grace. And here are just a few reasons why:
- “Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.”
- “Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”
- “Only women shave beneath the neck.”
- “Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”
- “Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.”
- “Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless.”
As Duke Silver:
He’s basically the superhero version of Ron.
I’d love to get more of these, because if there’s anyone that’s manlier than Ron Swanson, it’s gotta be Duke Silver. And it’s only because he is
Ron Swanson that he’s this manly.
- “It might be cold outside but it’s about to get warm all up in my jazz.”
- “Come love with me… and maybe we can walk through fire together.”
My favorite Ron Swanson quote:
This one is getting my vote for the best, since it really represents just how darn amazing Ron Swanson actually is:
- “Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to me. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators…into Swansons!”
That’s right. He’s manlier than men, and